None of us wants it, but inevitably, many of us feel lonely in marriage. We always hope that our spouse will be our lifelong companion and our savior from loneliness, but when other important responsibilities come into play (especially when he’s too dedicated towards them), we can’t help but be a bit resentful about our situation.
So, if you’re one of those lonely moms whose husband works too much and is seldom at home, here are ten coping techniques to beat the loneliness and stay connected despite the busy schedule.
1) Find activities you can enjoy together.
Perhaps you both enjoy a certain hobby or you’re both fond of working out in the gym or outdoors. If so, then it will be easy to make your time together fun and pleasurable. It also takes away the pressure of maximizing each moment.
2) Do things your husband does not enjoy, alone.
Is there anything you love doing that your husband always disagrees of? Maybe it’s watching chick flicks or sound-tripping to jazz music. Whatever it is, enjoy it while your husband is not around. Binge over your favorite movies, turn that volume up, or whatever else you love doing that he does not.
3) Prioritize date nights.
Date nights are an essential part of marriage, most especially if your marriage is the type where both of you barely see each other during a typical workweek. Use date nights to reconnect, catch up, and enjoy each other’s company. You can simply walk around the mall or have a romantic dinner under the stars.
4) Make the most of your time together.
You may be together but you’re both glued to your phones or computers or are arguing about the kids or piled-up bills. Every occasionally, declare the home as a “no-phone zone” and allot more time to address important issues and to catch up with each other’s own goings-on.
5) Work on improving and/or pampering yourself.
Take up yoga classes, or jiu-jitsu, or even pottery if it suits you. Use your time to learn another language, discover a hidden talent, or focus on personal pampering. Since your husband is not around, you can sit shamelessly on the couch lathered in face mask and wearing toe separators as your nail polish dries.
6) Look at the positive side.
Although your husband is always not around and you’re left feeling lonely at home, there is surely a positive side to this as well. Perhaps your husband’s job provides your entire family with great health benefits or it puts a strong roof above your heads. Perhaps the odd schedule and long hours allow for a more flexible work schedule when you need it most, like when your son or daughter gets sick. Marriage accounts for a lot of sacrifices but there is always a bright side to it, so don’t fret too much and consider the benefits, too.
7) Understand your husband’s job.
When your husband is workaholic, there is a big chance he’ll be talking about work even at home. This can make you feel even lonelier and more disconnected since you don’t have any idea what he’s talking about. It would help if you did your best to learn some industry terms or jargons. Get an idea of how a typical workday works. That way, you’d understand even some of your husband’s sentiments.
8) Speak your thoughts without nagging.
Communication is essential in any relationship. If you’re feeling lonely and bad about your husband being gone all the time, voice it out and let him know. Just make not to sound annoying; otherwise, your husband may get the wrong impression and your time together may just be ruined.
9) Plan your dates or trips ahead.
Planning your future dates or trips ahead is important, especially when your husband has a full work schedule. Spur-of-the-moment occasions do not work well with workaholic people who have nearly no time for a break. Plan things in advance to make sure your husband has a lot of time to prepare and pre-arrange time-off, and therefore has no reason to back out.
10) Connect through technology.
Now, there are many forms of modern technology that allow us to get in touch in just a few clicks. Throughout the day, take a few minutes to send emails or texts back and forth, or video call during a break, or send each other funny memes. This can make you feel connected despite not seeing each other for a long while.
On one hand, it can be frustrating to be married not only to the person you love but also to the job he is passionate about. It is not the best situation for anyone who’s emotionally needy. But on the other hand, shouldn’t you also be proud of your partner’s dedication and strong work ethic? If anything, it is still better to contend with too much work than with no work at all.